S.N.O.T. Page 14

  ‘They’re not, but they are very strong and with the amount you too have just eaten I think…’

  Chester’s stomach churned louder than it had done before. A strange sensation was occurring inside. He felt like someone was playing a game of football in his intestines and then it suddenly happened.

  ‘Oh my …’

  Chester didn’t finish as he ran full pelt behind a tree only to be followed shortly after by Monty. Jebediah watched and waited for the sound of retching but it didn’t come.

  Looking back at the berries which were sat by his feet he asked slowly, ‘What exactly are these berries?’

  Primrose smiled half-heartedly. ‘They’re allright to eat, I promise, but they do have a bit of a side effect.’

  ‘What sort of side effect?’

  The sound of someone blowing an extremely loud raspberry came from the direction of the trees.

  Jebediah looked at Primrose who shrugged and threw another berry up into the air catching it expertly in her mouth.

  ‘They have a little bit of a laxative effect if eaten in large quantities,’ she mumbled chewing the berry.

  Chester and Monty could be heard groaning and wailing, waking Alex and Cordelia who sat up and stared around rubbing their eyes.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Alex asked sleepily.

  ‘Don’t ask,’ Jebediah replied as the groans of ‘Let me die’ and ‘Oh please no’ continued.

  Alex stretched his arms out above his head.

  ‘Oh berries. Good. Can we eat them?’ he said leaning forward and taking a handful.

  ‘I wouldn’t if I were you,’ Jebediah warned jabbing his head in the direction of the trees.

  An hour later Monty sat hunched up cradling his stomach, rocking to and fro. Chester sat with one hand on his stomach and the other frantically scratching his bottom. In his haste he had squatted down over a clump of nettles and now sat bewailing the consequences.

  Jebediah would have generally thought this was funny but he was faring no better himself. Where the Imp had bitten his ear the poison from its teeth had caused his ear to swell to nearly five times its normal size and turn a septic yellow colour. It now looked hideous and the weight was causing him to lean to one side. Coupled with the green pustules from the Bugleweed and the luminous green staining from the ones that had burst, he looked like a monster from a third-rate horror film.

  * * *

  Icarus and Hephzibah crept through the undergrowth, careful to make as little noise as possible. He had toyed with the idea of bringing reinforcements with him but decided that a troop of Sorcery Police marauding through the wood could alert the kidnappers. Besides, this was a job for the detectives of the Magical Investigation Branch and it was going to be his arrest. Assignments had been thin on the ground recently and he needed something to boost his figures.

  Kneeling down by the edge of the trees near a clearing, he took from his pocket a pair of what appeared to be ordinary binoculars. Lifting them to his eyes he peered through, twiddling a button on the top once or twice until the picture was clearer.

  The binoculars weren’t as ordinary as they looked. As with everything else, they were magical and allowed the user to see through anything, including solid objects.

  ‘Nothing,’ he announced gruffly.

  Hephzibah had thought that perhaps it was a mistake to come to the rendezvous without any form of backup but Icarus was not only her senior but also the most famous detective the Magical Investigation Branch had ever had. Also she daren’t question his authority. Keeping low she looked through her own binoculars and scanned the area.

  ‘We’ll just have to sit tight I suppose,’ she whispered.

  Icarus made a ‘Humph’ sound through his nose and settled back to wait.

  * * *

  ‘Can you keep the noise down? Farooqi snarled at the Ogres as they tramped their way through the wood taking everything in their way with them.

  The procession was turning into a farce. The Ogres had begun fighting with one another almost from the start. They had not been able to choose which one of them would go first. Snolluff, a burly sixteen-foot Ogre with a squashed nose from being punched repeatedly, had decided that he should be first but another Ogre of equal ferocity and stupidity had disagreed. There then ensued a fight. The Ogres had rolled around the grass tearing and gouging at each other, their huge carcasses breaking everything in sight and sending animals fleeing for their lives. Farooqi had managed to disengage them after a struggle in which he had threatened to shoot them.

  They now trudged with a disgruntled air behind the Elf and Mr and Mrs Humphries with the grace of a herd of elephants.

  Mr and Mrs Humphries still had their hands bound by the rope and so fell every few feet as they tripped up over the branches and roots that snaked along the ground.

  Approaching the clearing, Farooqi held his hand in the air and halted the procession. This did not happen at once. The Ogres had continued to walk a few feet and knocked into one another causing a ripple effect like tumbling dominoes until Ergot finally slammed into Farooqi, sending him sprawling on the ground.

  Picking himself up, he dusted his robes down, a look of anger crossing his pale face bringing an unusual pink flush with it.

  ‘Take the prisoners into the clearing,’ he snarled at Ergot.

  ‘Where Farooqi go? Ergot asked in his slow, deliberate manner.

  ‘That isn’t any of your business. Just do as you’re told,’ he snapped and stalked away, lashing out at branches in his way.

  Ergot put his head down and said to Mr and Mrs Humphries, ‘You follow Ergot.’

  As they emerged from the trees Jebediah started. It hadn’t been that long since he had last seen his mum and dad but they already looked gaunt and dishevelled. He wondered if they had been mistreated in any way by the Ogres, and his craving for revenge overcame all sense.

  Everyone got to their feet and huddled round Jebediah as he clutched the carrier bag of money close. Primrose cocked the weapons in her hands and checked that the two pistols on her hips were loaded and primed.

  Stepping out from the trees, they made their way over the small stretch of grass to where Ergot and about fifteen Ogres stood.

  Ergot clumsily moved out of the way revealing Mr and Mrs Humphries. This was the first time they had seen Jebediah since the start of their ordeal.

  Mrs Humphries gasped at the sight of her son; not merely because he was there or that she and her husband had naturally assumed it would be somebody from the Council that secured their release, but also because of the state of him.

  ‘Jebediah,’ she cried and attempted to run forward. Ergot put an arm out blocking her way.

  ‘It’s allright Mum, everything’s going to be okay,’ he called reassuringly but his palms were now sweating profusely and his heart beat furiously against his ribs.

  Taking a step closer to the Ogres who towered over him, he stood firm. Keeping his voice steady, a feat in itself, he delved into the bag and pulled out several wads of money.

  Holding it up so that all the Ogres could see he called, ‘Let them go and I’ll throw the money to you.’

  Ergot considered the proposal before nudging Mr Humphries forward, almost knocking him clean off his feet. Mr and Mrs Humphries walked slowly towards Jebediah and his friends. This was the cue to throw the money. As soon as he did there was a mad scramble as the Ogres dropped to the ground and began fighting over it.

  Icarus had seen enough. He had been as startled initially by the appearance of Jebediah and his friends as had Mr and Mrs Humphries, but he composed himself quicker than they had managed to do.

  ‘Let’s go,’ he said to Hephzibah over his shoulder.

  Before he got any further than to his feet, the ground shook violently and trees began falling to either side as
a pathway was made by several enormous Trolls, their gigantic muscles bulging as they ripped up trees and roots as though they were as light as a feather. Coming to a stop in the clearing, Jebediah gulped down what felt like a grapefruit that had appeared in his throat. From behind the Trolls stepped at least twenty Gnomes, all dressed alike in their usual black suits and sunglasses.

  The Ogres continued to fight among themselves over the money that was now scattered on the grass, oblivious to the interruption. Everyone else was too stunned to move.

  A Gnome, even more smartly dressed than the others, stepped closer.

  ‘We want our money,’ he said with such menace that Jebediah felt his knees go weak and almost stumbled into Alex.

  Chester whispered out of the corner of his mouth, ‘What shall do we do now?’

  Jebediah didn’t have a clue. He hadn’t banked on this happening. He had thought they could make the exchange and be out of there before the Gnomes caught up with them. His heart raced frighteningly.

  ‘Do something,’ he hissed at Primrose.

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘I don’t know... something though, you’re the hired muscle around here,’ he cried hysterically.

  Primrose looked at the odds stacked against her and fired off a quick succession of arrows. They whizzed through the air. Two hit a Troll, producing no effect whatsoever except annoyance, while the third embedded itself in the shoulder of a Gnome.

  ‘Run!’ Jebediah screeched.

  The Gnomes sprang forward followed by the Trolls.

  Icarus stepped out from the cover of the trees, his wand raised as he called, ‘Halt! Sorcery Police.’ Multi-coloured sparks flew out of the tip of his wand creating even more confusion.

  The Gnomes split their forces. Some attempted to fight the Ogres for the money with the aid of the Trolls while the rest attacked Jebediah, Monty, Chester, Alex and Cordelia.

  A Gnome leapt from the ground with the agility of a cat and landed on Jebediah’s back while another grabbed him round the leg, biting his kneecap and bringing him crashing to the ground. The one that had jumped on his back now proceeded to pummel his head with its fist. He could feel the punches that rained down on him burst even more spots.

  Monty flung one of the Gnomes that had charged at him through the air like a javelin whereupon it crashed back down on the ground.

  Chester fought two that were hanging off his arms while Cordelia lashed out with her broom, catching one and sending it flying. Alex was not faring as well as the others. One of the Gnomes had brought him down in a tackle as he had made a run for it. Hitting the ground headfirst, the Gnome had begun jumping up and down on his back like a trampoline as another bashed his head off the ground. Blood seeped out of his nose and mouth, the taste bitter and rancid as it mixed with the mud.

  Mr and Mrs Humphries stood back to back and kicked out frantically at anything that came near.

  An evil grin spread across the gnarled face of a Gnome as it jumped onto Cordelia, swinging painfully from her hair. Letting out a high-pitched scream she flailed her arms about but she couldn’t reach the creature. Monty sprinted forward and punched the Gnome square in the face. It gave a look of complete and utter surprise before going rigid and falling to the floor; the sunglasses, now broken in two, slipped from the misshapen nose.

  Icarus and Hephzibah didn’t know where to start in what was now turning into a free-for-all. He carried on zapping at Gnomes as they ran round, his cries of ‘Sorcery Police!’ going unheeded.

  Out of the corner of his eye he spied Ragnorf, head of the Gnomes, flanked by two others slipping away unnoticed in all the commotion. Spinning round on his heels he gave chase. His breathing was heavy and laboured as he ran, his feet pounding the grass beneath. He really was getting too old for this kind of thing.

  A sudden thud to his shoulder lifted his feet off the ground and sent him crashing to the floor. He lay motionless for a few moments before reaching up to his shoulder with his hand. An arrow was firmly embedded, the warm, sticky blood pumping out of the wound. A searing pain shot through him as he tried to move it, catching his breath. Rolling onto his uninjured side he clamoured shakily to his knees.

  Farooqi had fired the arrow and watched as Icarus had fallen to the ground. His goal had been achieved, or so he thought. It was with surprise and annoyance that he saw the detective get to his feet.

  ‘Why can you not simply die?’ he muttered darkly and reloaded the bow.

  Taking aim, he released the arrow. This time it hit a Troll between the shoulders as it was raising an Ogre above its head. Cursing his luck he loaded another arrow and stood up from his crouched position.

  A persistent Gnome was beating Chester’s recently healed ankle. Already weak, the tiny fists of the creature sent a pain shooting up through his leg.

  ‘GET OFF...!’ Chester hollored as he tried to yank the Gnome away.

  Pulling hard at the back of the Gnome’s jacket he heaved with all his might. Despite its size it was incredibly strong and it took several attempts to pull it free. Once the tiny fingers slipped away from his leg he kicked out with his good foot and launched it through the air, its arms and legs splayed out as it went.

  Hephzibah, who had run out from the trees with her superior, now stood and watched the mêlée with horror. It was a split-second decision. Lifting her wand above her head, she sent a series of red sparks into the air. The SOS signal would be spotted by every officer in the Sorcery Police for miles around.

  Farooqi pushed his way through the throng of bodies to find Icarus still gasping for air on his knees, his uninjured arm propping up his body. Ducking under the swinging arm of a Troll, who was pulverising the face of an Ogre, he took aim. His finger slowly squeezed the trigger but nothing. The arrow refused to budge. Pulling the trigger he tried again and again but it remained where it was. With his attention focused on getting the crossbow to work, he didn’t see the club of an Ogre come down as it attempted to knock out a troublesome Troll. His eyes rolled in his head before falling promptly face first on the ground.

  With the fighting raging, it came to resemble a scene from an old western. The Sorcery Police, who had seen the SOS signal, stormed through the trees like the cavalry and all that were missing were the Indians and a bugle charge.

  Dressed in full riot gear, visors down and with reinforced flak jackets to repel any stray spells, they charged forward. From the sky a dozen officers swooped down on the backs of small red Pinkle Dragons, similar in size to ostriches, their stature giving them an edge in terms of their agility at dodging and weaving out of the way of trouble.

  It took three officers just to take out one of the Trolls with a disorientation spell. The Ogres were still hitting everyone and everything with their clubs, including themselves. Teeth and the odd eye lay among the blades of grass.

  The Gnomes, once they realised what was happening, dived down and began furiously tunnelling their way out of the wood. Mud sprayed up behind them as their hands shovelled the earth away.

  Icarus staggered to his feet just as one of the Gnomes, who had not been so fortunate as to escape, came round. Spotting the Wizard as he opened his eyes, he sprang from the ground and clamped himself on Icarus’s face. Sinking his teeth into his nose, he bit hard and ripped at it like a rabid dog, its head moving from side to side. Icarus fell backwards from the onslaught onto the floor, his left arm completely useless.

  As the Sorcery Police began to gain the upper hand, Hephzibah prevented Jebediah and his friends from making a hasty exit.

  ‘We would like to speak to you lot down at the station,’ she said, trying to regain her breath.

  Primrose, Jebediah noticed, was nowhere to be seen. Once the Sorcery Police had made their entrance she had decided that it was time for her to leave. There were a number of outstanding warrants for her arrest. If the Police caught her
there would be a large number of awkward questions which would result in a hefty prison sentence.

  Jebediah watched as Farooqi was carried away still unconscious. Icarus was strapped to a stretcher on the back of a waiting Pinkle Dragon, the Gnome still firmly attached to his face. The Healers would have a hard time removing it. Gnomes were notoriously hard to release once their jaws had locked.

  Looking round, the whole place was a scene of devastation. The earth had been churned up where the Ogres and Trolls had fought with one another and uprooted trees lay on the ground. It looked like a whirlwind had hit the wood. Jebediah didn’t have too long to dwell on the scene as he and his friends were being herded towards a waiting Police escort.

  Aside from Mr Humphries, who through his work had been inside the headquarters of the Sorcery Police, nobody else had.

  It was, Jebediah could see, an amazing place with creatures of every description rushing back and forth carrying rolls of parchments or escorting prisoners who were bound magically. A large blackboard sat above the head of a young looking Witch with blue hair. A piece of chalk moved constantly back and forth, the words forming looped writing as it updated exactly who was in the building, where they were and if they were under arrest. Jebediah watched in fascination as it scribbled out his name and the words ‘in for questioning’ at the side.

  Hephzibah finished scrawling a rather fancy signature on a scroll held by what appeared to be a very beautiful Wood Nymph with long golden tresses and a hazy aura surrounding her body. Once done, she popped the kestrel feather behind her ear.

  ‘Follow me,’ she called out, and began walking briskly away.

  Leading them down a series of corridors, turning to the left and then to the right, they entered an office which, although small, contained two desks and a number of overflowing filing cabinets. A small window in the corner afforded the only natural light to the whole room.

  Hephzibah seated herself at what was presumably her own desk and shouted through the open door at a passing officer to bring more chairs. This gave Jebediah time to look around, especially at the fascinating items on the other desk.